well, since the last time i posted, my computer died and i had my surgery. it took forever to get the computer fixed, apparently, and i am still healing from the surgery, but everything is going well i think. i still have some pain, but it could be worse. they did the biopsies and stuff and they came back good, so i don't have cancer. that was really good news. the only little downer was that on top of the interstitial cystitis, i also have chronic inflammation inside my bladder. so it will always bother me to some degree over and beyond the normal i.c. but they took care of the ulcerations and hopefully they won't come back. i'm not going to bet the farm they won't. everything the doc tells me is how all this stuff is perfectly normal for women over 50, which just really makes me want to take an uzi or something equally violent to the man. i keep pointing out to him that i am very far from 50 years old but he rarely acknowledges it. it just seems to me that what is normal for a 50 year old might not necessarily be normal for a 32 year old. am i crazy or does that make sense? he tells my i have a cyst on a kidney but it's normal for a 50 year old and it's benign. well, how does he know it's benign with out looking at it more thouroughly than with an ultra sound that just shows you light and dark grey blobs and exactly how can he say it is normal when i am not 50? i mean if i were 50 or older and he told me it was normal i probably wouldn't be so worried, but since i'm not and i have this cyst and i'm looking at a long family history of people dropping dead of one cancer or another or surviving one cancer or another on a few occassions, and i can't help but wonder why is this guy not looking at this blob that has formed on my kidney given the degree of problems i have had with my urinary tract since i was 16 years old. that is half of my life! 16 years it has been going on where i have been struggling with these attacks every few months at least ! and now they cannot be bothered to check on this cyst but they can do surgery on me because they suddenly discover that these attacks also include a fair amount of blood a good amount of the time. suddenly the pressence of blood made it a more urgent problem, in my bladder. but what about the cyst on the kidney??? i'm not going to get any answers any time soon, i see that, it is just so damn frustrating. i mean how would you like something that puts you down for the count basically for days and days at a time that happens multiple times a year for half of your life? it causes pain, discomfort, burning, an inability to control your own body, and even after you take care of it, it takes weeks and weeks for your body to get back to normal, to where you don't have to run from your bed to the bathroom ten foot from the bed in order to try to keep from wetting yourself because the bladder is too weak to control itself. it's humiliating. to be honest it's humiliating talking about it, but you know, who is gonna read this that knows me? that i will see at pta or at the spring fling at my sons school? so why not be honest, someone else out there might have the same problem and be suffering in silence. one of the worst things that ever happened during an attack, at least as far as embarrassment goes, once, i was sleeping and in the dream i got up and went to the bathroom. i thought i was really in the bathroom, i quickly realized i wasn't, but the damage was done by then. i had not wet my bed since i was a child running an extremely high fever and unable to get out of bed. before that, i was never a bedwetter. it would have been unacceptable and would have been what was considered a capital offense in my house. i never did it again after that illness either. until this extremely bad infection. i was so embarrassed. that is what the problem with these diseases do. people who have problems with their urinary tract, or men who have problems with their prostate and deal with the variety of symptoms that can cause, including urinary problems, are often too embarrassed by the fact that they have accidents or that maybe they leak, or whatever their specific symptoms are. some may even confuse the burning with a venereal disease or something. who knows what goes through people's minds. all i know is there is a stigma and a degree of shame that a lot of people feel that keep them from getting help. i saw my grandfather die because he was too proud to admit anything was wrong, that he had any discomfort or pain. they say his cancer started in his prostate, but by the time he finally gave in to the fact that he was in a rapid decline, it was too late, the cancer had spread to his lungs, his bones, everywhere. you would have been pressed to find somewhere in him that was cancer free. that is what pride and an inability to admit when something is off with your body will get you if you are not careful. i loved my granddaddy, pride and all, but i would have loved to have him around a whole lot longer. i would have loved for him to see my son born and get to know him and for my son to know him. he was one of the few good men i have ever known. he was one of the best men i have ever known and he might still be with me if he had gotten help to start with instead of being stubbourn and insisting he was fine. maybe someone will learn from this. one in three men develop prostate problems i think. that is a lot. if nothing else makes you want to keep your prostate healthy guys, it can effect your sexual performance. lord knows you don't want a reputation for not being able to keep it up. isn't that excuse enough to get it checked? even a mild infection can cause a major problem like that. think about it guys. women, tell your guys about it. put the fear into them. sorry, i didn't mean for this to turn into like a public service announcement. i was just getting some stuff off my mind. i guess because most guys also think this is a problem that only effects older guys, but it doesn't. monday when i went in for a post op treatment, there was a guy there probably younger than me, damn good looking, and he was there to be treated. actually i would say he was definitely younger than me. probably mid twenties. if he and i don't prove that it's not safe to assume you are safe until you hit middle age, i don't know what to tell you. there are others like us. you just have to look. take the time to look, that is all.
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! and now they cannot be bothered to check on this cyst but they can do surgery on me because they suddenly discover that these attacks also include a fair amount of blood a good amount of the time. suddenly the pressence of blood made it a more urgent problem, in my bladder. but what about the cyst on the kidney??? i'm not going to get any answers any time soon, i see that, it is just so damn frustrating. i mean how would you like something that puts you down for the count basically for days and days at a time that happens multiple times a year for half of your life? it causes pain, discomfort, burning, an inability to control your own body, and even after you take care of it, it takes weeks and weeks for your body to get back to normal, to where you don't have to run from your bed to the bathroom ten foot from the bed in order to try to keep from wetting yourself because the bladder is too weak to control itself. it's humiliating. to be honest it's humiliating talking about it, but you know, who is gonna read this that knows me? that i will see at pta or at the spring fling at my sons school? so why not be honest, someone else out there might have the same problem and be suffering in silence. one of the worst things that ever happened during an attack, at least as far as embarrassment goes, once, i was sleeping and in the dream i got up and went to the bathroom. i thought i was really in the bathroom, i quickly realized i wasn't, but the damage was done by then. i had not wet my bed since i was a child running an extremely high fever and unable to get out of bed. before that, i was never a bedwetter. it would have been unacceptable and would have been what was considered a capital offense in my house. i never did it again after that illness either. until this extremely bad infection. i was so embarrassed. that is what the problem with these diseases do. people who have problems with their urinary tract, or men who have problems with their prostate and deal with the variety of symptoms that can cause, including urinary problems, are often too embarrassed by the fact that they have accidents or that maybe they leak, or whatever their specific symptoms are. some may even confuse the burning with a venereal disease or something. who knows what goes through people's minds. all i know is there is a stigma and a degree of shame that a lot of people feel that keep them from getting help. i saw my grandfather die because he was too proud to admit anything was wrong, that he had any discomfort or pain. they say his cancer started in his prostate, but by the time he finally gave in to the fact that he was in a rapid decline, it was too late, the cancer had spread to his lungs, his bones, everywhere. you would have been pressed to find somewhere in him that was cancer free. that is what pride and an inability to admit when something is off with your body will get you if you are not careful. i loved my granddaddy, pride and all, but i would have loved to have him around a whole lot longer. i would have loved for him to see my son born and get to know him and for my son to know him. he was one of the few good men i have ever known. he was one of the best men i have ever known and he might still be with me if he had gotten help to start with instead of being stubbourn and insisting he was fine. maybe someone will learn from this. one in three men develop prostate problems i think. that is a lot. if nothing else makes you want to keep your prostate healthy guys, it can effect your sexual performance. lord knows you don't want a reputation for not being able to keep it up. isn't that excuse enough to get it checked? even a mild infection can cause a major problem like that. think about it guys. women, tell your guys about it. put the fear into them.
