the last little bit has been particularly traumtic for me. there have been so many things happening, not many of them good. i guess it started when the doc told me to avoid all the stress i could and to remain as calm as possible. well that went fairly well for a bit. then someone who had at least pretended to be my friend took a bunch of assumptions and i won't even say what they were, just assumed a lot of incorrect information, thinking that i knew things when in fact i did not, also assumed that i had a rather immature humour, which i do not. i'm sorry, but talking about bodily functions and private body parts, just to name a few, i do not find humorous. i just do not. i am much more cerebral than that. while they may choose to call me ignorant because i tend to type in a free form, without capitalizing my letters, because i just choose not to bother to waste my time, and other things when in fact i am being sarcastic and not literal, well that is their choice. the bottom line is, this person started harrassing me because she did not like something that i said, a good bit of it was just kidding around, but she took it serious, then she took parts that were serious as me using childish humor. it's really a confusing mess. basically what it ended up as, i wrote an apology for any misunderstanding that might have occurred and expressed the fact that the message i had been sent on a public forum had hurt my feelings and i would have prefered to have been asked to the side about it instead of having a crude, vulgar message left. anyway, another snide message was left in response, so i again left a message in response to what had been said to me basically telling this person to think whatever they would, i couldn't stop them. i had attempted an apology, that had not been good enough and i was done. from there more messages came into me. i admit i never should have responded, but i felt i was in the right and my anger was piqued. so, i responded to what had been sent to me. now realize, after my apology, a blog was written about me, calling me foul names and sent out over the net, this is why my anger was piqued. i've never taken well to false accusations against me, or anytype of rumour spreading about me. the whole action screamed of high school. so basically i told the people that they needed to stop smearing my name over the net, that i had done nothing wrong, the accusations being leveled against me were false, i did not deserve it. after the buffer left, the person drew out her full claws and actually wished that i had cancer and said other things regarding my child. so many were sent, i couldn't respond to them at once, they had to each be responded to seperately. i finally received a message from someone else and i responded to them saying i wished to be left alone, for them to stop writing about me, not to talk about me, to just leave me alone. this did not work. i was fine and pretty much forgot about it for several days, the weekend passed and then on monday, i found out that this person was having one of her friends do research on me for some unknown reason. so, i decided to get my side out into a blog on my page on that blog site. each time i responded to this person, she said i was stalking her, but the whole time, it was in actuallity her harrassing me. i said the whole time if i were actually stalking her or harrassing her, we are on other blog sites together, i could be sending her messages there, or anything else, but i did none of that. i just ignored her. i guess i should explain the time line. this all started about thursday or so before halloween. from the get go she said she was going public with everything and couldn't wait, so i knew she was gonna find some way to twist things, i figured she would leave out the 3 blogs she wrote about me on the initial day it started, while she kept sending me messages. my only sin was to respond to the insanity and the abuse that was being spewed at me. so, for the first time, i listened to see if she would really go public and she did. of course, she played off like she had struggled with the decision on if she would do it or not, me knowing she had intended to from the get go, and proceeded to spend well over half of her time dedicated to little ole me, most of which, even the parts that were true, had been so twisted and distorted, i could barely recognize them for truth. everything that had ever been said or done, she had put her own spin on it to make it into things that never were. she took the concern i had for my son's nephew because they had him on the wrong psychotoropic medications into me hating the child. if i hated him, i certainly would not have been concerned about his medications and any possible damage they might do to him. the only resentments about things that have happened in the past are firmly on the shoulders they belong on, the adult who caused the situation, but at the same time a bully is a bully and i do fear for my child around another kid who has the violent tendencies this child has. his history of stabbing another child with a pencil, beating the crap out of teachers and other students, does make me concerned about my son given that they are wholey unsupervised in that environment. there are knives there and i would rather not have my son be the one stabbed with the knife because they do not have him on the proper medication to control his condition. she also drug my child into it saying he is a fat ugly nerdy child, which nothing could be further from the truth. almost everywhere we go, all i hear is about what a handsome boy he is, how beautiful his eyes are, and how much trouble i'm gonna have in a few years. i think there are some pictures of him in my gallery. take a look. just because he wasn't so skinny all of his bones poked out from the medications stunting his appetite to the point he wouldn't eat anything and he isn't severely behind on the growth chart for the same reason, does not a fat ugly nerdy kid make. anyway. i can't even get into all of the things that were said, but the high lights were, i'm not disabled at all. the only reason i have trouble walking at all is because i just don't get up and do it. so i guess the orthopedic doctors, the doctor who specializes in nerve damage, my pain clinic doctor, my lawyer, a judge, the federal government, and basically everyone is wrong. they know better. i have a special parking permit for no reason. i am on morphine pills and my doctor wants to almost double the amount i take to try to give me better pain relief for no reason, they give those out like candy. maybe where they live, but not here where i live they don't. it is severely regulated. on top of that, you have the bipolar disorder with the anxiety and ptsd. i guess those are fictional as well. again, all the psychiatrists, the governments psychiatrist, everyone is wrong, just because she was a psychology major who seems to have no knowledge of bipolar at all and even referred to it as being multiple personality disorder, something totally different. thinking maybe she didn't finish that degree. oh, and the interstitial cystitis, which all by it's lonesome is enough to have me considered disabled. so, i guess she was wrong on all counts for that one. also, quoted me as saying i was gonna kill myself as soon as my son turned 21. well, i have NEVER, EVER said that. what i have said is that bipolar disorder presents itself by the age of 30, everyone get that? THREE-ZERO, 30. that IF, and that is a very large if, my son does not end up bipolar, after that, i am free to do as i please. if i wish to kill myself after that,i can. i do not guarantee i will, only that if i choose to, i can. BUT, if he does end up with bipolar disorder, i will be with him until whatever life has in store for me because i will not have him go through it alone as i did. the person i inherited it from, died before i turned 2, so i had noone who knew what i was going through. that will not happen to my baby. so, those are a lot of ifs. i was also advised that i should go ahead, kill myself now, so my son won't remember my middle name and i'll do him less harm than if i do it later on in his life. basically encouraging me to take my life. isn't that dangerous to do that? if you have suicidal people listening and you just advised people to go ahead and kill themselves, wouldn't you be liable or something, for their deaths? but anyway, it went on about how there were people who should be allowed to live and other who shouldn't and i was one who just shouldn't be allowed to live. that i am a danger to every child i happen to be in contact with...which is bullshit. kids love me and i love kids. my house is the one all the kids in the neighborhood like to come to because i am the coolest, hottest mom in the neighborhood. i am not a lesbian. i experimented when i was in my early 20's before i met my husband, but it just wasn't for me. i prefer men. they just have that one thing that women just can't ever get and i don't see how any toy on the face of the planet can replace it and be the same. i'm not sure what the other accusations were. one was that i am a liar. well, yeah, i do tell an occassional white lie. i tell my son there is a santa clause, i might tell my husband i had an orgasm when i didn't. i might even tell my friend that the new hair color they love so much looks good on them even if i don't care for it. but i don't pretend to be what i am not. i am upfront about what i am or who i am. i am what you see. i may have some hidden depths, but who does not? if we didn't we would all be very shallow people. i do not particularly try to hide anything from anyone. pretty much if someone wants to know something about me, i tell them. if i am ashamed of something i have done, i shouldn't have done it to begin with. it's the way i look at it.
i can't remember much more right now, my brain is too groggy and to be honest, i just don't really care. i've been ignoring this person and the more i ignore her the weirder she gets, she has sent invitations to a number of friends on my list to try to get them to come be her friend and when they turned her down, she sent repeated ones. i can't prove it but, since this started my email went from no bulk mail to suddenly i get 30 or more a day and i have signed up for nothing. also someone somehow accessed my page, i have no clue how they figured out my password, but they did and added some stuff to my page including a very large skull and crossbones. very strange. so the stress from all of this, the upset it caused me, caused my stomach ulcer, which has laid domrmant since my senior year of high school and my freshman year of college. so, except for this just to get it off of my chest, i am ignoring everything to do with this person, and even in this i am not even mentioning the person's name. i let this make me physically ill. when my ulcer acted up. i want to be clear here. i am not writing this to irritate anyone, to get back at anyone, or as they will twist it around to fit their obsession, to stalk anyone. i do hope that maybe someone out there who ever finds themself in a similar situation might learn from my mistakes. just don't respond to the insanity. no matter how they provoke you, just keep ignoring them. that is the best advice i can give.
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