my world has been in a bipolar downward spiral for a while now, frankly it seems like rock bottom can't be far away.  in the last couple of weeks life has chosen to screw with my downward spiral even more.  my mom, who i love dearly, has been having some health problems that involve her heart.  we can't seem to find out what is going on with that.  my son fell off a trampoline , doing a header into a bunch of rocks and busting his head open in three places.  the doctor at the hospital chose to only sew up two of the three places because one of them is in his hair so if it scars badly, it will be covered by his hair.  he got 8 stitches, and thinks it is the coolest thing in the world.  took ten years off of me though.  my car tore up and may possibly have a blown motor, we can't afford a new car for me.  at all.  on top of all of this, every bill we have has gone up in the last two weeks, including our FIXED RATE mortgage by over a hundred dollars a month.  so an already bad situation has been made worse.  i think i can reach out and feel the shrarp edges of the rocks that make up rock bottom.  i'm right there and i don't know what i can do to cushion the fall or to even prevent it at this stage.  i tried to talk to david about it, i explained that i had been feeling depressed for a while now and that all of this stuff with momma and then all of this other stuff started piling onto me and that i didn't feel that i could take anymore.   his response was to tell me to trust him  and to let him worry about all the stuff going on.  that does not take care of the fact that i was becoming almost suicidally depressed before all of this stuff started.  but if i don't act like everything is alright, david will feel that i do not trust him, when that is not at all the case.  i'm just depressed.  all the rest is making me anxious and even more depressed.  i  can't control that.  it just works out that way.  telling me not to worry is like telling me to not breath.  also, my mother in law informed me that the demon spawn, my sister in law's son, has been diagnosed with bipolar disorder.  that kid is as much bipolar as i am schitzophrenic.  they based this diagnosis on the fact that he knows the difference between right and  wrong, knows there are consequences, and just does not care.  sounds  more like a sociopath to me.  so when this kid, and yes, this will happen, goes on his killing spree, it will be announced to the world that this bipolar teen/man has gone on killing spree, unless they get his diagnosis correct.  i'm not even convinced he has a mental disorder, he could just be plain old fashioned mean.  he hits his teachers, he terrorizes the other students, he stabbed another student with a pencil, i'm still not sure why the parents of that child did not file assault charges against him so that he would be in juvenile hall instead of back at school ready to attack another child.  he will be repeating the third grade because his grades are so bad.  that is another thing... bipolar people are generally very bright, intelligent, and creative people and so are their children.  he is not bright, intelligent, or creative.  he is a bully.  he is cruel, vicious, and violent.  he is not bipolar.  he is a sociopath or a psychopath or just plain old mean.  i've never seen him manic or depressed.  those are the major factors of bipolar disorder.  you cannot have bipolar disorder without the depression and the mania.  he has never displayed signs of either.  frustration, yes.  anger, yes.  hostility, yes.  i know what being a bipolar child was like.  i did not behave like that.  i know everyone is different, but come on.  the same exact disease, you have a set of symptoms to go by in order to reach a diagnosis.  there is nothing similar about me as a child and this kid as a child.   nothing.  there should at least be similarities.  there is nothing.  he is not bipolar.. i refuse to share a mental health disorder with that freak of a human being.  i knew when he was a small child that there was something seriously wrong with him but noone would listen to me.. i guess i have been proved right now.  i just hope i am nowhere nearby when he goes on the killing spree that he will be going on.  the only question is, is will it happen when he is a teenager or will it happen sometime after he reaches adulthood.